I’ll assume you’ve seen Almost Famous. Surely you remember the bus ride scene in which they all sing Tiny Dancer. What a fun moment that was (here’s a link), albeit incredibly unlikely. The Allman Brothers (or whatever other band this band is based on) breaking out into an Elton John song on a bus ride after a long night of partying probably didn’t happen too often. I’ve never taken LSD or rode on a bus with a bunch of musicians who may still be tripping though, so maybe I just don’t know enough about this sort of thing. Regardless, the song is a touch delightful with a lot of catchy. Dave Grohl did an enjoyable version of it on Craig Kilborn’s show once too (and if you have time, check out the Grohl and Will Ferrell “Leather and Lace” duet on the right of the video). At this point, I’m sure you’re wondering why any of this matters anyway (though the title of the post may have tipped you off).
Since the moment the Bucks selected Tiny Gallon in the second round, I’ve often found myself with this song stuck in my head. Except it’d go, “Hold me closer Tiny Gallon.” That didn’t feel right though; I’ve never actually wanted, and surely will never want, Tiny Gallon to hold me.
So I decided to rewrite the lyrics in a way that fits Mr. Gallon a little bit better since we haven’t quite gotten to media day and much real news yet. So without further ado, here we go.Plus-sized forward, Tweetin’ his words. Rebounds with a plan.
Wide thighed, held out awhile. Good length with plus sized hands.
Gonzaga’s gym, you must have seen him. Bringing down the glass.
Now he’s a Buck, and it was not luck. Tiny Gallon he could be grand. NBA freaks, will line the streets.
Waiting for that first big three.
He’ll see Squad Six, he’ll just laugh.
This Milwaukee, it ain’t that bad. But worry man, if he makes his stand
In Milwaukee’s own BC.
Drifting too far, chucking those deep threes.
Reluctant or not, by the hoop he should be. But it may never be so real
He didn’t get a guaranteed deal.
A few weeks and he may be gone,
I’d tell him loudly, firmly. Post up closer Tiny Gallon.
From the basket you should not stray.
Jumpers seem like a good idea,
But keep shooting and you will fade.
Jeremy Schmidt writes the Milwaukee Bucks blog Bucksketball.com