Local man saves Bucks with trade machine

SHEBOYGAN, WI – After an exasperating night caps-lock screaming at fans and bloggers, local man Frank “Basquiat of the Trade Machine” Conlon, 32, completed a labyrinthine trade scenario that would make the Milwaukee Bucks a championship contender, leave all trade partners satisfied, and throw shade at his haters.

“I was having real problems trying to move Monta Ellis, but then it dawned on me, ‘trade exception, bro,’” said Conlon as he badgered the Bucks twitter account for GM John Hammond’s contact information.

The hypothetical trade was the end result of a four-hour argument originating on Twitter.

“No one had an answer when I unveiled this masterpiece and asked ‘who would say no to this trade?’” said Conlon, “I celebrated by sending people some really hostile messages.”

When asked who would say no to that trade, Conlon’s wife replied, “Houston.”

At press time, Conlon has not received any NBA front office job offers.

Categories: Ridiculous Things



  1. I love it!

    Only three more days till we can get back to pontificating about the game of basketball again instead of speculating about trade bait.

    Go Bucks!

  2. Really good trade. Only Team I could see rejecting it would be Houston. It would still benefit all of them to agree to it.

  3. Very nice post. Reminds one of the quality reporting over at “The Onion”. Well posted sir, well posted…

  4. How about this trade?

    Bucks Get
    Pau Gasol
    J.J Redick
    Wesley Matthews

    Magic Get
    Udoh, Harris or a pick

    Lakers Get
    Monta Ellis
    Drew Gooden
    Something else

    Portland Gets
    Luc Richard Mbah a Moute

  5. This isn’t the same trade as talked about above.

    With this you can get good players in return for letting bad ones go.

    Also you keep BJ and Ersan if you want to deal them later

  6. Choong from Portland

    I’m seeing Matthews’ name on this… What would it take to get this deal done then?

    JJ Hickson, Wes Matthews, Luke Babbit, Nolan Smith [expiring rookie contracts of about $3.4M to match salary] + 2 second round picks of 2013 draft

    Monta, Dalembert, Marquise, Przybilla vanilla gorilla?

    Unlike Monta, Wes won’t leave his defense assignment. Hickson’s an athlete, a better 4 than Ersan. Sell the 2nd round picks to Brooklyn for 2M each. good?

  7. Oh, thank you for this. This and the “fans” pictures from the earlier story, you guys have been on a roll recently.

    • Agree…and each of the authors have made unique contributions. That’s why we heart Bucksbetball.com!

  8. Pingback: Josh Smith, JJ Redick and all of the Bucks trade rumors : Bucksketball – A Better Milwaukee Bucks Blog

  9. Bucks, Jazz, Clippers.

    Bucks get: SG Gordon Hayward, SF Caron Butler, Utah’s first round pick

    Clippers gets: PF Paul Millsap, G Monta Ellis

    Utah gets: F Lamar Odom, G Eric Bledsoe, Clippers 2013 first round, Clippers 2014 second round