Bucksketball Podcast

Introducing the BuX-Men

| October 5, 2013

Category: Ridiculous Things

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The basic concept of the X-Men BuX-Men is that under a cloud of increasing anti-mutant win-now sentiment, Professor Xavier  Drew created a haven at his Westchester Milwaukee mansion practice facility to train young mutants basketball players to use their powers for the benefit of humanity Senator Kohl, and to prove mutants Bucks can be heroes winners.

I turned the Bucks into the X-Men. They’re called the BuX-Men and were inspired by our very own Ian Segovia.

Please don’t sue us, Stan Lee.

(Apologies to Luke Ridnour, Gary Neal, Khris Middleton and Carlos Delfino. I ran out of X-Men, patience and sanity. You’ll always be BuX-Men in our hearts. XOXO.)

Larry Wolverine

Larry Wolverine

Description: Wolverine Sanders possesses animal-like senses, advanced healing ability, and lots of blocks. He pops the ball a lot which is a major bummer. But the guys are nice about it and don’t make him feel bad. He loves art and skateboards and hedge trimming.

Gambit Antetokounmpo

Gambit Antetokounmpo

Description: Gambit Antetokounmpo has the most pinchable cheeks this side of Greece. He’s super good at fighting with his preferred weapons being the Bō (a big stick) and throwing cards. Most importantly, he can dunk without jumping. Oh, and he can create, control and manipulate kinetic energy. But whatever. Who cares about that? Did I mention he can dunk without jumping? I mean he still has to jump a little bit. But it’s pretty dang close.

Angel Knight

Angel Knight

Description: Angel Knight can fly! Isn’t that cool?! Get down here, Angel! Haha. Angel is crazy.

Cyclops Ilyasova

Cyclops Ilyasova

Description: Cyclops Ilyasova has a smug face. He thinks he’s so cool. Cyclops usually leads the BuX-Men but sometimes he starts the season off really slow and needs to sit on the bench for a few games but then he really gets going and can become a starter again and he usually stays decent for the rest of the year after that because run-on sentences are a lot of fun to write but probably not a lot of fun to read oh well life goes on c’est la vie.

O.J. Mimic

OJ Mimic

Description: O.J. Mimic doesn’t wear shoes.

Magneto Butler

Magneto Butler

Description: Magneto Butler was often the villain of the BuX-Men. But this season he’s on board with the team so don’t worry about it. He may score over 20 points a few times so, you know. Be prepared.

John Iceman

John Iceman

Description: JOHN ICEMAN GOT ICE IN HIS VEINS. HE DOESN’T KNOW PRESSURE. AIN’T NEVER FELT IT. HE DESTROYS THE HEAT.

Beast-a Pachulia

Beast Pachulia

Description: Beast-a Pachulia sure is a character I tell you what. He’s all like “AHHHH I’M BLUE” and everyone laughs. He can do handstands and break through walls. Sometimes he wears glasses. He’s probably overpaid.

Havok Udoh

Ekpe Havoc

Description: Havok Udoh generates plasma blasts but often has difficulty controlling them. He “accidentally” hits Nate Wolters with them a lot. He wishes he was given more playing time. But oh, well. “More time for plasma,” he chuckles.

Miroslav Colossus

Miroslav Colossus

Description: Miroslav Colossus is just Miroslav Raduljica wearing spandex. He has no additional abilities. Nothing to see here.

Professor Drew

Professor Drew

Description: Professor Drew comes from Atlanta. He’s not paralyzed but chooses to use a wheelchair anyway to avoid having to pace the sidelines. He loves turtlenecks.

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The BuX-Men

Full team

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About the Author ()

Jon Hartzell is a writer/producer at NBA.com who likes the Bucks.

Comments (2)

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  1. Patti #1 says:

    Always a fan of your Superhero pages. Nice job guys. I’m smiling and isn’t that what it’s all about?

    I’m inspired!

    Go Bucks!

  2. Kungfusuperstar says:

    Lol, Love it